Of All The Paths

12 days

. . . . .

tuesdays + thursdays.
as soon as those brown rusted gates are widened, so is my heart. 

just imagine: all of a sudden, 180+ children start running towards you like they haven't seen you in years...when, really, it's only been two days. they then wrap their dirty hands around your waist and leap onto your back in all directions so that they can be the one riding on your shoulders. they  then all want to shake your hand and ask you how you are doing, all for the mere sake that they can speak your language and that, in itself, makes them proud. 

inside those rustic brown gates is where you find over a hundred children laughing and playing. where they are enjoying one another. where they are singing songs to the Father and worshiping together as one church. where you find sadness masked as hope. 

this is the place where they go everyday to forget about their reality.
                   living on the streets. 

when you walk just outside the gates, into that reality, you see children being laughed and yelled at. or in a trash pile picking up plastic bottles from the gutters in hopes of collecting enough to sell later on. or on a busy street corner, begging strangers to give them a few coins to get them by. 

i want to help them all. i want them to live a life they feel is worth living. i want to take them in and love on them everyday for the rest of my life. 

but i can't; and it hurts from the moment I wake up until the moment my head hits the pillow.

i want to teach them. i want them to learn. i want to tell them everyday how great and wonderful they are. i want to show them that there is someone that cares for them. i really just want to be the warm yellow light that pours all over them, the people i love.

our Father has taught me so much from these children in such a small amount of time. and even if i can't take them all in and be a mother to 120 children, I can teach them about Him. their heavenly Father who has been longing for them to know Him their entire lives. and that, friends, brings me joy.

although this path i've taken to uganda has been emotionally exhausting, i wouldn't have fallen more in love with these children any other way. we will spend these last few days enjoying each other, enjoying our Father, and trusting Him to do whatever He wishes.

of all the paths you take in life, friends, make sure a few of them are dirt.